rain taps away at my dark window. it's the only object directly separating me from nature.
i want to lay in the grass so it comforts me as it did as a child.
my curls intertwining with bugs and leaves.
my sweet breathe expelling CO2 for the trees.
rain hits my freckles before it escapes to the ground.
it makes me wanna go somewhere dry but i decide...i just wanna feel safe in my own skin.

be nice to everyone so the world doesnt end lol

So I'm definitely posting from limewire isn't that weird? they have all these new features so that I could share music with my livejournal friends...i wonder if this will actually post lol well im out see ya

yeah the subject of this is how long its been since I last posted an entry..pretty sad. I always say that I'll make a full comeback but I really need to try- I miss LiveJournal :[

A little something I wrote on the bus the a few days ago:


Balloons the colors of Reese's Pieces reluctantly attend a street BBQ. The contrast between air-conditioning and summer like heat is unsettling. A baby slobbers on their fingers, making me nauseous but, her smile and those big brown eyes make up for it. Isn't it weird how you can see a reflection of yourself in your surroundings? Like other people and things? It's either that, or you long to see yourself in them.

An urban landscape silently begs for justice in a society that it is largely underrepresented in.
I am literally all alone on this bus- empty.

Man, I can't wait till it's EFFIN summer...I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off since I got back from break. It's because I know that I need to work my assss offfff so I can do really well this semester and I feel like I'm losing myself...ugh

Saturday night- got into a huge blowout with my roommate- i have never raised my voice in my entire life and there I was screaming back at her...that was eye-opening but things are good now...see I feel like things happen for a reason that needed to

Nothing new otherwise- whats up in your lives?

I make people laugh by talking "ghetto" haha especially out in central PA- they don't hear that kinda stuff so when I bust it out randomly they love it.

I survived 8 long tramatic and horrific years as a foster child

so ive come to the conclusion that i dont have many real friends back home. i just never wanna be back here lately.
if you dont make the time for me or try to chill then sorry i guess you dont appreciate my friendship...im tired of bending over backwards for people and getting nothing in return

...thats not what friendship is....
peace

All is well I guess...awake early in the morning. Mother and daughter day starts at 10am. I'm excited. I miss spending time with my mom- I haven't gotten to lately because of being away at school and with my sister nicole consuming much of their time now that I'm gone...its been that way for the past two years.
My mom and I are gonna go into manhattan and shop...maybe stop at B&H to get some black and white film...should be sweet

I like being home its relaxing...its gonna be a good springbreak :]

diet coke....

So I'm in the physics lounge being a creeper...I hoped to hang out with Jon again for the hour in between class like we did last thursday. I saw him and we both paused and said hi and he just left and I sat down to eat my wrap. I'm pretty confused as to what he wants. Last thursday night he spoke about us seeing ea.other again...and since the weekend he's been different.
If every guy is gonna be all emo and confusing- I guess women don't have much hope in the dating world today...or ever.

DUDE I can't wait for it to be spring. It's gorgeous out right now but def not warm enough. I need to finish shooting my roll of film today- tryna figure out where I should go to do it hmmm

This building is creepy. I'm going to play the piano.

Just got out of my sociology class called Wealth, Power, and Society...and if you think it sounds boring- its def not! Sociology is awesome. I have a meeting at 4pm with the campus counselor- she wants to know how my semester is going so far.. to tell you the truth its been going pretty well except for the occasional not waking up for class but thats happened alot less this semester which is good.

I've been feeling kind of dumb lately cause of purple trainwreck all last week. Quit smoking about 1 1/2 weeks strong but i'm not giving up the herb just yet. have found myself eating a whole lot more since quitting i feel like i seriously need to work out.

Me and Jon (my ex) have been talkin and hanging out again since his break up with his ex after a yr so its good to catch up. I feel kinda nervous about the whole thing cause of obvious reasons...always told myself i would never get back together with an ex but we were only together for a month and a half and i feel like we didnt get to know ea.other too well. I'm just trying not to get hurt. I'll be careful.

Got black out drunk this past saturday...woke up in the common room of a diff dorm in all my clothes, shoes, and jacket lol gosh i need to def get my life together.

So, I've been back since the 18th of Jan and its been goin pretty well. I love this new semester. Got into an advanced photography class after a portfolio review. i'm super pumped :)

i feel like this semester is going well and i havent started the cycle of destruction with the soccer boys we're cool now yay!!

got black out drunk last night- def dont remeber like anything :(

My alarm rings at 10am, I need to get ready to catch the 10.53am bus to Irvington Bus terminal. (I stayed up late with Christina R, Rachel P, and Abby J doing bad and crazy things) I was tired and out of it.

I made it out on time, came in contact with some sketchy black guys hitting on me...one of which claimed he was an urban samurai that rapped knowledge...and some ghetto ass pigeons that hobbled around like they had been hit by a bus at some point in their miserable lives. I ask some woman for directions to union ave from there where I have to do fingerprinting.

On the way there I stop in a Jamaican restaurant and order a jerk chicken patty and enjoy the fact that I'm part Jamaican myself.
I get there- go in and out and have to wait for the 12.40pm bus back and am again harrassed by men hitting on me...the usual ugh

I get back and Text my girl Laura to see if she wants to meet up to go on a photo adventure. Around 3pm we meet up and explore hidden treasures of South Orange that people tend to overlook. I have a really good time with Laura and her mom drops me off at my house at 6.30pm.

See there's something about Laura that's interesting. She is one of the only people besides Monique that I can completely open up to...and that's hard for me. I'm comfortable with her. We talk about everything too, everything. I like hanging out with her and I hope she likes hanging out with me :)


Laura on train tracks today :)

So I guess maybe I'm not so good at commitment...I haven't been on this thing since freshman yr spring- which i guess isnt too bad. I should really write more often...i really think it'll make me feel better

So my last entry was saying that spring semester didn't go so well and that I'd do well fall semester '08 (which just happened) adn honestly it didn't go so well either but that's because of some emotional stuff concerning my very sick biological mother that I'm now learning to accept. It's cool no pity please. but now that I fucked up two semesters (i didnt do so bad in fall) I need to do better this coming semester spring '09 which i have no doubt I will...I am gonna be taking classes that I love and shit is gonna be better I know it

"I get by with a little help from my friends" this is so trueeee I love all my friends and I hope they love me the same...sorry if I havent been there recently its cause of all the shit thats been goin on...
I'm back and ready for action lol

oh  yeah and did I mention i'm gonna start a fashion club at school? lol everyone knew it was gonna happen ;)

So basically I won't Let a repeat of last semester happen again. I was so upset with myself- one of the worse feelings in the world.
My parents are making me create some sort of plan to not let it happen again. Even my school wants me to create a plan...so hear i am at work- creating a plan. This blows big time but I know I did badly in school so I can only blame myself and make it better.